If Being is an aspect of time?

I need an unorthodox idea. Daydreams are shit. This is what my horoscope says. I can only think of orthodox ideas at the moment...

Every time yoga teacher says OK now we'll do handstands, I feel like Woody Allen hands in hair Oh My God are you crazy, I am not doing that! Maybe I'm too neurotic for yoga, but I guess yoga doesn't mind... I have tons of fantasies about all the things I cannot do, they say if you can imagine it in your mind's eye one day you will be able to do it, but I'm not sure, there may be some things I can never do, because of my weird personality, my scoliosis, my bad hips...

I remember some yoga teacher once, who was also a massage therapist, said that massage is a part of your yoga practice, and I thought, oh he just wants my money, that is frivolous, and just for lazy people, and I just want to do work! Well I'm the type of lazy person that wants to work in order to prove I am not lazy! Not sure why I did it, but I knew I had today off so I called for a massage. It was so good! The whole time yelling (in a relaxed manner) at myself NO DAYDREAMING! Obsessed about being in the present moment. I didn't want to miss anything. And I did realize something about yoga. She would put like a pressure point and hold it, I could barely feel it, but it reminded me of the retention of breath thing in yoga. Then the thing I've been wondering about about, how if yoga is about relaxation, how come it seems holding the bandhas is a sort of tension? Seems contradictory, but it occurred to me maybe holding the bandhas is not a tension, but more like a retention of breath, a pause, not in time but in physicality.

Things that made me cry today after my massage:



To Write Love on Her Arms

And something else, but I can't link to a thought I had.

Also, I don't know if the public health care option actually means I can quit my crappy job, but it does mean I don't have to keep the job just for the benefits. Which is a tricky tricky way to be enslaved. Thinking about the ways I am free today and the ways I am not.