Suffering because I cannot be all the things I want to be.

I want to read and write poetry nonstop, and all I have time to do is homework.

Some I like a lot. Writing a paper, a critical review of a case study, and somehow, luckily get to incorporate Post-Structuralism into an ESL learning paper! Got so excited about it I got heart palpitations as I pulled out Of Grammatology.

I also want to do intense ashtanga practices 6 days a week. I'm on the every other day track which is OK, but I always lose something on the day off, and so come to every class with an exhaustion in me. Also a pulled hamstring.

I love the idea of learning Chinese, I love when I look at texts and I can recognize some things, but 2-3 hours a day studying it is exhausting, but will be cool after the fact.

Can't make any poetry readings or any of the free school stuff... But would I have been too exhausted to go anyway with the old job and commute?

I thought since this was my third master's I could just breeze through, and when everyone else is stressing I'd have the time to write but doesn't seem that it is the case. Maybe I should take 3 classes instead of 4 next semester...though it will probably be better when I am not taking a language class (though I wanted to continue in a noncredit or non-school affiliated place).

And the stack of library books up to my thigh, mostly theory, criticism, some poetry, a few novels, want to absorb it all, all simultaneously, but time...

Fell asleep in Viparita Karani, and was thinking about the chinese word yidiar,  it is so complicated has four characters, maybe two of those are really one, but it means "a little bit" and the characters are the words for "one" "black" "dot." One of the radicals that is part of one of the characters means "walking man." Laughing to myself in post yoga happiness about "a little bit" equalling "one black dot."


一點兒