It Is A Purple Speak

 
Delia will crave you, carve you, carry you
through the stain
 
elegant yesterday sees
me here again, nauseous again,
here again, breaking apart
again, breaking apart but
more solidly this time.   
  
                                                   Delia what ribbons do you let fall on the ground?
Sordid salad stains
I am with you
in the meantime
always in the meantime,
dreamtime, between something
and something is there nothing//
 
I am in the nothing-time, and
secrets keep us distant, so
far away from the something,
secrets keep us trapped in the between
 
I am sordid with it and salad fresh
with garbanzo beans, pine nuts, small secrets,
stained joy, stained spring.
I am here, am something. 
  
                                                  (It is if I say it is)
 
I am here, something, stained and singing:
 
“Do you see what I see?”
 
                                                 What ribbons have you let fall, Delia?
 
delia delia what what what have you done?
 
like a fish out of water
sailor sailor take warning
 
my panic and                his screamings are mine
my silent screamings voiced by him
fruit flies and orange juice and how could he at 2 am
and I could not ever            “FUCK!!!”        I would not ever
 
and
 
“Do you hear what I hear”
 
but I am not here and I can not hear
if I am not here.
 
It does not exist if I am not present///
 
I stare at your eyes (what color are his eyes?)
blink blink emptiness I pretend emptiness
everything is breaking inside
everything is broken
How is the weather outside?
I look in his eyes I don’t see his eyes
I look afraid of looking
 
“A star, a star, dancing in the night”
 
Delia, Delia, where have you gone,
what have you done, who have
you become now, in the mysteries, the mysteries
that I cannot access, where have you gone?
 
Malodorousness of where have you gone
I might not be here when you come back
I am here if I say I am and I am not-I am not
If I don’t.  elephants elephants hiding away, do
                                                                                    you see
 
“what I see////way up in the sky”