I'd been wondering why when you do a lot of sitting meditation, it always brings up horrible latent emotions, that I suppose is good, because they are repressed, and you should look at them, but it is horribly painful, yet yoga just seems to clear all the icky emotions away and leave you clear, and how come it is so easy? Apparently, I just wasn't doing enough yoga. I went to yoga 3 days in a row last week, took the fourth day off, and then went again on the fifth day and got a horrible injury doing my first push-up pose. I think yoga pushes all the icky emotions stuff into your body somehow. I don't know which one is worse, but I think I'd rather be physically incapacitated more than emotionally... I guess it's got to come out one way or another. Or you could just keep it repressed, but then you become a politician or something.

Fatigue

A dream about a black dog with the cutest black nose ever, and I hugged him, I love black dogs, and then all the sudden he is ginger colored, but not Ginger, and I'm like But you were a black dog a minute ago, and the dog was like No, I've always been ginger colored.

The thing where you think you see someone you know, but then they are not that person at all, over and over again, and that other thing where you expect to be doing that with someone, but for some reason don't.

UNICORN ORPHAN

My right hand bleeding in three different spots.

Inability to close my blinds, so I sleep staring at the tree outside, which looks just like some sort of Very Tall Gargoyle.

Dream of finding a salve for my itchy head and rubbing it all over my head.

A complete noninterest in fungi.

David Bowie.

A new yellow notebook.

I am curious, too.

Wondering how to have a more complete nervous breakdown.

The assortment of piles.

When cigarettes made you more attractive.

Unnoticed broken glass at the edges of trees.

Just a minute, I have to walk my Unicorn.

Midway in our life's journey

How strange and deeply symbolic that it is not until my 35th year that I commence reading Dante's Inferno.

Having got lost in the Oracle maze.

I think my knee chakras are opening. Or, early-onset arthritis.

I am reading The Fast by Hannah Weiner. I am feeling this way about sugar lately. Extremely painful.

Ten commas

Numerical symbolism symbolizes symmetry.

When I, bizarrely, saw a guy with a watering hose, today, in financial district, watering a plant, that I had never noticed before, I knew, and it had.

I dreamt I got a white kitten, and I named her Lulu...

Trying to rid myself of phlegmishness through diet, would mean what?

I am searching the web for acrostics.

I am lacking a parenthetical.

Halfway to 70

Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70Halfway to 70

Dreamt last night that I found a hollowed out part of one of the tiles in the bathroom, and I knew that was where my dead father was buried and I would have to get him out. Or, he was buried wrong somehow, and I had to correct it. So I started somehow loosening the tile, or digging up the tile, which made the bathtub stop up or somehow started bringing up all kinds of nasty things from the sewer, mounds and mounds of hair started coming up and oh, what have I done to the pipes?

Dream dialog:

"I too was quite tall until the doctor seized my throat."

quotes

"We're so diminished we have ourselves left and now we've disappeared." --Robin Blaser

"I should expect nothing more from life than what fate has already given me." --Ales Debeljak

"that hour exists no matter what I do" --overheard on the street

The man in front of me at the post office today had four pennies inside his ear. Home remedy for hearing loss? Just in case?


And then at the cafe, a woman in purple glasses, listening to a walkie talkie, "10-4," and laughing, everytime I looked up at her, she had a look on her face, like she was about to orgasm.

I am clearly way too sane.

"your path is poetry, your goal is beyond
poetry" --Robin Blaser

Feeling a strong connection to red drinks lately.

Had a dream that I opened up this antiquated cabinet, in the woods, and it had all these dried fruit juices, crushed up like herbs, and I picked up the farthest one, which was red, it was for cherry flavor. How can I resist cherry anything? And then there was a creature in the cabinet and we were talking, maybe he was the keeper of the fruit juices? And he said something about listening to the Harmonics, the Harmonies, how sometimes you had to wait, for hours, but as long as you go "there" to the place where they come to, that they will come eventually.

Vision Quest

I sure wish I could have a vision. I am quite bored. I do have work to do though. For all the forthcomingness that is forthcoming. I bought cover stocks for two different books - one is a package of 250 pages and one is a package of 125 pages. I don't think I need that much but that is how they came. It was quite a heavy bag. So I waited for the bus. My cell phone had died and so I was counting time by songs on my mp3 player. The bus came at 28:40. I could have walked home twice.

I did have a dream last night about being on a boat named Telepathy. Sounds oracular!?

possibility of the possible

I am happy at any moment in time in which I have a notebook open with a pen (moving).

Reading Derrida's very cool Aporias.

I like point 2 (re:death?) a lot: "As long as the waiting can only be directed toward some other and toward some arrivant, one can and must wait for something else, hence expect some other — as when one is said to expect that something will happen or that some other will arrive. In both cases the awaiting onself and the expecting or the expecting-that can have a notable relation to death, to what is called — death (it is there, and maybe only there, that one ultimately awaits oneself or expects, that one expects that; and it is only there that the awaiting oneself may be no other than the expecting the other, or that the other may arrive)." French omitted, as I don't understand anyway...

We are all waiting for death, what else is really going to happen after all? Death as the other that we will finally, eventually meet.

I love typing up a Derrida quote and listening to the rain. This is a great moment.

There is another bit a little further down that really tripped my brain out. I've been thinking about it all day: "...the one is waiting for the other there, for the one and the other never arrive there together, at this rendezvouz...and the one who waits for the other there, at this border, is not he who arrives there first or she who gets there first. In order to wait for the other at this meeting place, one must, on the contrary, arrive there late, not early."

What waits for the other is also what must come late. Seems so contradictory, but only sorta kinda makes sense if you think of this other as literally death. Of course it is waiting for us, and of course it comes at the latest possible moment. Sortof comforting.

All this, speaking of death, and that which comes, to tell about my vision of a disembodied shrunken head woman.

Don't know what that means but perhaps I am feeling like my current life experiences are shrinking me, my soul is getting tiny tiny tiny. Also, head shrinking may mean I need a head shrink! haha! There was another, almost simultaneous vision of a grizzly haired werewolf looking guy. Which seems related as they are both representatives of the primal perhaps. But can't figure out much more than that.

What kind of word is "ipseity"? quite latinate, I suppose.

the ancient belief that the dead are not dead, or are not quite dead.